It’s probably a bit unusual to share this part of my birth story so long after the event, but I often think about it.
After I had given birth to Audrey, I looked up at the call panel, lights madly flashing (Drs go to whichever room number flashes up when help is required), feeling darn satisfied that my birth was over. As I lay there basking in the glow of newborn Audrey, I could hear crying and just assumed a woman was having a hard time.
Brendan went out to the cafeteria and on his return said he noticed an older lady slumped on the floor, head in hands, crying. On pressing my midwife, she said the woman in the room next to me was told, at 40 weeks pregnant, her unborn baby had no heartbeat. To make the situation even worse, she would still have to give birth.
My midwife insisted I forget it, push it out of my mind, that it was my day and to enjoy my new baby.
When we finally left the delivery suite, me in a wheelchair and Brendan pushing Audrey next to me, I smiled at a lady approaching us. As she passed I noticed how miserable she looked then realised it was the lady I had heard crying in the corridor – the pregnant woman’s mother.
I actually felt bad for smiling at her. Brendan noticed her looking at Audrey. I felt bad for that too.
As each month has passed I can’t help but think of what this woman is still going through, knowing she should have a 3-4-5 month old too. But instead, all she will have is an empty baby room.
I don’t think I will ever forget this.
So tragic. A similar thing happened to my friends sister. Due date Friday - check up all fine - Saturday moving like crazy, Sunday lunch with family, no movement for 12 hours - was getting concerned, sister (a nurse) said if you're worried call. That night went in the baby had died. She delivered and he'd managed, in that last period of time, to get the cord wrapped around his neck 4 times. The OB said he'd never seen anything like it at such a late stage. She's since had another child, all fine, but she was so anxious. I can't imagine the horror of it, people can rise above the most horrific tragedies.
ReplyDeleteThat is such a sad story - I don't think you could ever get over something like that. As people who have experienced tragedy in their lives say, you just learn to live with it. When I hear sad stories like this it sure makes me cuddle my two and realise just how lucky I am.
ReplyDeleteMy sister had to deliver her stillborn child. Its probably one of the worst experiences i can imagine a woman having to go through, and for what reason? She never held her daughter and still to this day regrets that.
ReplyDeleteWe have to remember that mothers still die in childbirth today, imagine that for the new father.
Wow. That was really hard to read. Can't imagine what is must be like to live it, for everyone. Extra hugs and kisses for everyone tonight. Thanks for sharing xox
ReplyDeletehow strange, we must be on the same wavelength. i spent much of last night thinking about this same kind of situation and how it's a crapshoot. a fellow student in my dept died after a long illness last weekend. maybe it's because i'm a mom now, but all i could think about were all the mothers out there who lost a child, no matter the age.
ReplyDeleteMy mom gave birth to my still born brother. He was born March 3rd, 1976. She got pregnant with me and had to spend 3 months on bed rest in the hospital. As the due date was nearing she asked a doctor if she could give birth to me sooner than on the birthday of my brother. The doctor told her I will come when the time comes. I was born March 2nd, 1977. As a mother of one and expecting again I cannot even fanthom what she went through. I am hoping to be blessed and never know such tragedy.
ReplyDeleteVery tragic storie. My heart just filled up with sadness. It was hard for my eyes not water up. I'm due in 8 weeks with my second child and this situation never crossed my mind. Thank you for sharing this storie with us.
ReplyDeleteI am very touched that your compassion for this poor woman is such that still today you think of her and her sorrow. That means something. I believe that every joy you have with your precious daughters can be offered to her in your heart and that she will receive that love in some way - either through the birth of another child, through her husband or friends, or through a stranger - she will receive some love and comfort to sustain her. So don't forget her - I can tell you won't.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this.
I worked with a woman that lost her's the same way. It's been 20 years and I still think about it.
ReplyDeleteWhen someone I know gets pregnant I practically hold my breath until the day they get to hold their baby in their arms.
OMG! That is the saddest thing I think I've ever read. I count my blessing's everyday that Devon was born happy and healthy:)
ReplyDeleteI was that woman in Feb of 2005 when we lost our beloved little boy. Happily I went on to have my daughter (now three) and am now 25 weeks with another little girl. Nothing ever ever makes the pain of loosing him go away but having my little girl (hopefully soon girls) makes everyday life possible. I found out through loosing my son that I have a fundamental problem and cant carry to term so I have had lots of bedrest, daily injections and weekly hospital check ups to ensure that what happened to us the first time never happens again. I can't even imagine what it must be like to have a "normal" pregnancy but I feel so blessed. Pregnancy hasn't been easy for us but at least we have the possibility.
ReplyDeleteIt is really nice to have someone write about stillbirth who hasn't actually lost themselves.... generally it is only through loosing a baby (and feeling like the only couple in the world that are suffering this horrible tragedy) that you come to meet other parents and begin to feel "normal". I know that stillbirth is something that just scares most pregnant women too much to think about but it is good if people talk about it. I know that after we lost our son often people didn't know what to say to me- but that didn't matter I didn't expect them to have any answers it just helped to know that they cared --what was awful was when you would see people shrink back into doorways or avoid you so that they wouldn't have to say anything. Sadly in the UK there are 17 babies stillborn everyday- many more than die from sudden infant death syndrome (cot death) which is something everyone seems to feel more comfortable dealing with. Let us all hope for that woman that you overheard in the hospital that some happiness lies in her future and while never replacing her lost child another baby may help her to to enjoy and live some of the dreams and hopes that she had for her lost baby.
I really hesitated writing this story as I didn't want to cast gloom on people visiting my blog. But, wow, so many people have been affected some way or another. I didn't even think about women who read this who might be expecting. I am positive you will go on to have beautiful screaming bundles before you can say 'sleepless nights'.
ReplyDeleteMy Aunt lost her 8 month old son to SIDS/cot death, and my mother lost a twin son, my brother, when he was just over 2. I think of him more than ever now, especially as Lucy approached the age he tragically drowned. Since I've had my two, every single story of child tragedy or abuse or injury hits me deep.
Thank you for sharing this story - so many people don't like to discuss birth and death and babies. I was that mother in September last year. Now nearly a year on, I still think about Alice every day. I am sure I will every day for the rest of my life.
ReplyDeleteRachael
grandy and baa
This story breaks my heart.
ReplyDeleteI heard a similar story a while ago, when I was pregnant with number two actually. It is something I have thought about OFTEN since. I'd never realised that babies could die so late in the pregnancy, I'd always kind of thought (ignorantly) that after the first trimester it was all fine and plain sailing. I just cannot begin to fathom what it would be like and I truly count my blessing that I gave birth to two healthy children, something that I will never take for granted. My heart truly goes out to you mamas that have had to bear such unimaginable pains.
ReplyDeletexx
Hanna