Do you ever say to yourself, I wish I were a kid again? That there would be nothing to worry about - no money hassles, no relationship stresses...
If you are a parent, then you’ll know this isn’t true (well at least I know it isn’t). The amount of stress Lucy shows when I tell her it’s time to leave the park, or that the iceblocks aren’t set yet, or there’s no chocolate at dinnertime you would think it was the equivalent of your home burning down! It’s all relative.
I’ve just read Jenny's latest post about the change going on in her life, and it made me remember a time of big change for me – back before Lucy was born, and her Dad and I separated. I went to live in a ramshackle cottage in the middle of nowhere (I was a medical rep and on the road, so was able to live pretty much anywhere, and not be confined to the City). When the morning sun rose over the hills I couldn’t think of a better place to be, sitting on my tiny, rustic front deck. When night came, and it was pitch black I sometimes felt scared witless and alone. Some nights were spent in tears. Others writing or singing along with music TV and a few really tasty, effervescent brandies.
But no wonder, as a lot of change was taking place, and looking back it was the best thing I could have done at that time. My residence there wasn’t for a long time, just a summer or so, and the extremes of jubilation (the sheer peace and tranquility of the area) and trepidation were actually really good for me. Getting through that time really made me feel I could do anything I wanted. After shifting all my gear out to this country cottage, four months later I was shifting it all back again into the city, into a one bedroom house. Ordinarily I would have thought ‘I’ve only just moved to the country, I can’t move again yet’. Well, why not? The country had served its purpose and it was time for me to make my next move. I think life is a series of adventures, and feelings of being out of balance, discomfort, discontent, poor health, etc, are all signs that something need to change.
It’s funny how other people say things that make you think they know you better than you know yourself. I still remember a friend saying at least 10 years ago how she could see me barefoot, playing with kids, in a very natural environment. Back then I always had daydreams about living in a big city like New York, so flashy and fun. But deep down I knew she was probably right. Still do.
As I am about to go through the whole birthing process again, I do wonder if it will be any kinder to me this time. Lucy’s was a bit rough but I’m just glad that we both eventually made it out the other side and are now happy and healthy. I would like to think I can manage the pain better this time, hopefully without an epidural. I’m re-reading The Gentle Birth Method in the hopes visualisation and other wonders of the mind can get me through it alone. And maybe some homeopathy. Fingers (really, really) crossed!
A happy, carefree Lucy